Let's Build Castles
From the Rubble
I’ve been taking more time recently to connect with myself, with my inner knowing and creativity. This feels deeply important as we watch so many old systems and strategies crumble before our eyes. Connection matters most and I would insist that means connection inward first, then connection with others. How can we connect with others when we don’t know ourselves? I spent many years (decades!) connecting outward first; I was so very good at pleasing and performing for everyone but me. When I started connecting with ME, it was a tough awakening that I did NOT in fact care to keep pleasing and performing for others anymore.
Thanks for joining me here at Say Yes to the Mess! This is my periodic note of encouragement for those who are tired of pleasing, performing, and pretending to be perfect. It’s exhausting and I hope you enjoy leaning into the messiness of life here. I’m Amber Keating—licensed psychotherapist, healing coach, and recovering perfectionist. I love guiding people into greater connection with themselves, their loved ones, and the incredible world around us.
Tapping the ❤️ button lets me and others know that you find my words helpful (or just plain fun!). Forwarding this to a friend may be exactly the thing they need to drop their own perfectionist ways. This first post of the week is a freebie, so please share if you feel so inclined. We’re done with pointless rules, LFG!
I participated in a guided meditation recently, in which I was met with a variety of expansive images: joy, light, dancing, play, rest, conversation and laughter with others. One message that occurred to me was, “I can experience and create joy even while the old world crumbles.” Wow, did I need that message! I feel deeply disturbed by much of what occupies the news cycle these days. The Epstein Files, ICE and Border Patrol murdering U.S. citizens, mass shootings at universities and high school hockey games, Shia LaBeouf in the news again for drunk and disorderly conduct. I mean, come on dude… Get some help and stop acting a mess! Apparently even my motto of “say yes to the mess” has its limits. Amidst all of this madness, I continue to crave nature, tall grasses, cool breezes, warm sunbeams, floating clouds, safety, and comfort.
I also received the message that “you need to listen to more music.” Have you ever received a message from inside like that? A message that feels like a very clear pronouncement, like “THIS IS THE WAY.” When that happens for me, I feel wide-eyed with wonder and skepticism and excitement. If you’ve read any of my previous work, you’ll know that I usually have a song in mind as I write and I’ll often give each piece a title consistent with said inspiring song. So this felt like an important message: be still and LISTEN. I have known since I was a young child that I connect with myself via music and writing. Often times I don’t know what I’m feeling or thinking until I hear it in a song or I write it in a journal. These are the main ways I connect with my higher self and with the spiritual realm.
My song for this article is Castles by Freya Ridings (2018). I’ve already said that I adore music and I am forever thankful to The SoCal Sound for introducing me to music that I would have no clue about if left to my own devices. I mean, the 90s were the very best era for music and I’d be happy to live there forever, but then there’s so much I’d miss out on and I do not enjoy FOMO. If you’re not in Southern California, the SoCal Sound has a website and mobile app so you can listen from anywhere in the world. I swear this is not an ad; I just really love their music! I also strongly encourage you to seek out independent radio that’s local to YOU because who wants music that’s had its soul destroyed by mega-corporations?!
Another message that came to me out of this recent guided meditation was, “Dream, create, we’ve got stuff to build!” I know there is so much to despair about. I’m not trying to deny that. What I am suggesting, however, as that those of us who feel called to create and to build MUST do so. We must make time to connect to ourselves and each other, to feel the collective rising up in solidarity against everything that wants to tear us down. We are the bubbling streams, tall trees, quiet moments in dappled shade, the scent of damp earth, moss, and cut grass. We were made for times like these. We have castles to build from the rubble that empire has left in its wake.
Maybe you’ve been quietly, gently building something in your life, in your daily interactions with others. I’d love to hear about it in the comments! Maybe you’ve been more brazen in your defiance against the restrictive, perfectionist messages of capitalist-colonialism. Maybe you’re resting right now because your world has been upended and nothing now looks like it used to, so you’re re-orienting to this new way of moving through the world. Please share! Our stories can inspire and encourage and soothe us all in these very challenging times. Whether you are in a phase of building or reflecting or resting or planning, I hope you know how important you are! There is legitimately a role for everyone in this. The beauty of the collective is that when some folks rest, others can be working and vice versa. Here are some of my favorite sources of information about the incredible, hopeful things happening the world over. As Mr. Rogers taught me, look for the helpers! Then once you find them, join them. None of us was meant to do this work alone.
Good Climate News from Alaina Wood
Where are you in the process of welcoming or creating a better world? Let me know in the comments or shoot me an email: info@amberkeating.net Until next time, wishing you soft places to land and all the safe connection you can find, because connection matters most!
If you saw yourself or someone else in this essay, please share it. Send it to your favorite overachiever. Talk it over with your therapist, counselor, or coach. Use it to help a loved one understand you better.
Are you tired of pleasing, performing, or pretending to be perfect? Are you considering making a change? Click here to book a free consultation. This will be a 45 minute phone call in which I listen deeply to your challenges and share my insights as an experienced coach. If you feel at the end of the call that we’d be a good fit to work together, I’ll share with you the program I created that helps perfectionists find lasting relief from burnout, resentment, and stress.
First of all, loved all the links you shared. Just followed a whole new group of folx and downloaded the music app!
I think I'm in rest mode after decades of trauma. But also in rebuilding mode because my life as I knew it has been completely upended. And also in building mode because I have so much new furniture that needs building. ha ha ha
Your words are inspiring and comforting. Keep writing and creating!